Of love and other four letter words
I just read a blog post by the one and only http://moroots.wordpress.com/, and I thought about an old joke about love. That there are really only 3 words that have power, 3 magic words that can instantly change everything;3 words that well, let's just say any time these 3 words are said, the collective tightening of butt holes in the room can be heard like the sound of a thousand whispers. These words are of course, Nigger, cunt and Love
They each prompt a response and thus when being said in reckless abandon, well all hell will break loose. Don't believe me, say the word Nigger(I refuse to acknowledge the term N-word, that's just a way for white people to say nigger, just say the word dammit, it is just a word, it's how you use it that matters) in a room full of racial diversity. In an argument with a woman, just try just mouth the letter C and look like you're going to say cunt, you will collect your genitals along with the rest of your burnt property the next day when you get out of your coma. Say I love you and ANY RESPONSE that is not I love you too is bound to make you want to jump out the window.
Love as I gleaned from my bible study(I used to be a serious mulokole, you don't know me!) had 3 different words that lined up with context in which it was used. Specific words that prevented misunderstanding. Eros, Philio, Agape-Erotic, Friendly or platonic and unconditional. I think given that the birthers of the English language are of the stiff upper lip, no expressing of embarrassing emotions ilk, we get one word because in the ubiquity and vagueness of it, everyone sort of knows what one means when they say , I love you, but at the same time they are curious as to how you mean. You can love your parents and love Sting and the police's Walking on the moon, You can love that person that makes you want to hold hands and think all is well with the world, and you can love Juma's rolex from Wandegeya. Perhaps we throw it around in expressing our care for little things to get us ready for when we have to say it for real. Is it better to say it all the time and get it out there or should it be reserved for the times when you really mean it and so people don't just say, "Oh well he says it all the time". I don't know.
What I do know is, it's not for thinking. I pride myself on being somewhat logical and in a recent debate I had with a friend on philosophy of naturalism and what not, he said that" without belief in the supernatural, well we are all just a can of chemicals fizzing about and producing sounds at each other. Oxytocin and dopa mine cause one to fall for someone plain and simple. "Well yeah, that is what happens. It's not an argument because it's what really happens. Our brain chemistry determines our moods and actions. It's also why people say you can fall in love at first sight. we are not as in control of why we do the things we do or feel the things we feel as we think. Our minds are like C.E.O s, they receive the general picture but know not how the nuts and bolts in the factory of our fleshly abode work. Love is your brain on drugs..and it's awesome. When the brain stops squirting these things over you however, is when you start to make choices on that love thing..start to choose to stay with her when she's not being at her best, when you decide to listen to him talk about that one time he scored a goal for the 1000th time and steal cheer him on...It's what you do when the feelings are waning, but this is not what we mean often when we declare our love. We mean that we are dying, we are longing we need that person, it's being naked, it's making promises in a state of mind that you will have to fulfill when said state of mind has changed. It's scary, it's fucked up, it's the best thing you can ever do in life..To pour yourself out like that.
I'll close this rambling post with just 3 examples of the words "I love you" really had an impact.
1. My father is a tough man. Stereotypical African man who doesn't hug, does not say affectionate things, he is all business and expresses his love by providing. I decided upon finishing my senior 6 examinations that I was going to tell him I loved him. My brother had one of those cartoon eyes popping out of their sockets things
I told him at the dinning table that I appreciated all he'd done and that I loved him. A silence beyond bear came upon the room. Then he inhaled his fruits and mumbled something about, "thanks for the support". I said I love you and he said, Thanks for the support. Again I said, I love you and he said, THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT!!. Later he gave me 50 k, so if anything I've learned how to get money out of him.
2. I told my girlfriend at the time that i loved her as we walked down to her campus hostel one lovely evening. She smiled nervously gave me a hug and said she had to go upstarts to meet with her discussion group and she had to meet sort out her room. My lips were as dry as the Kalahari desert for about a month . She eventually said it though and it was like the joy Kim Kardashian must feel when someone snaps her picture.
They each prompt a response and thus when being said in reckless abandon, well all hell will break loose. Don't believe me, say the word Nigger(I refuse to acknowledge the term N-word, that's just a way for white people to say nigger, just say the word dammit, it is just a word, it's how you use it that matters) in a room full of racial diversity. In an argument with a woman, just try just mouth the letter C and look like you're going to say cunt, you will collect your genitals along with the rest of your burnt property the next day when you get out of your coma. Say I love you and ANY RESPONSE that is not I love you too is bound to make you want to jump out the window.
Love as I gleaned from my bible study(I used to be a serious mulokole, you don't know me!) had 3 different words that lined up with context in which it was used. Specific words that prevented misunderstanding. Eros, Philio, Agape-Erotic, Friendly or platonic and unconditional. I think given that the birthers of the English language are of the stiff upper lip, no expressing of embarrassing emotions ilk, we get one word because in the ubiquity and vagueness of it, everyone sort of knows what one means when they say , I love you, but at the same time they are curious as to how you mean. You can love your parents and love Sting and the police's Walking on the moon, You can love that person that makes you want to hold hands and think all is well with the world, and you can love Juma's rolex from Wandegeya. Perhaps we throw it around in expressing our care for little things to get us ready for when we have to say it for real. Is it better to say it all the time and get it out there or should it be reserved for the times when you really mean it and so people don't just say, "Oh well he says it all the time". I don't know.
What I do know is, it's not for thinking. I pride myself on being somewhat logical and in a recent debate I had with a friend on philosophy of naturalism and what not, he said that" without belief in the supernatural, well we are all just a can of chemicals fizzing about and producing sounds at each other. Oxytocin and dopa mine cause one to fall for someone plain and simple. "Well yeah, that is what happens. It's not an argument because it's what really happens. Our brain chemistry determines our moods and actions. It's also why people say you can fall in love at first sight. we are not as in control of why we do the things we do or feel the things we feel as we think. Our minds are like C.E.O s, they receive the general picture but know not how the nuts and bolts in the factory of our fleshly abode work. Love is your brain on drugs..and it's awesome. When the brain stops squirting these things over you however, is when you start to make choices on that love thing..start to choose to stay with her when she's not being at her best, when you decide to listen to him talk about that one time he scored a goal for the 1000th time and steal cheer him on...It's what you do when the feelings are waning, but this is not what we mean often when we declare our love. We mean that we are dying, we are longing we need that person, it's being naked, it's making promises in a state of mind that you will have to fulfill when said state of mind has changed. It's scary, it's fucked up, it's the best thing you can ever do in life..To pour yourself out like that.
I'll close this rambling post with just 3 examples of the words "I love you" really had an impact.
1. My father is a tough man. Stereotypical African man who doesn't hug, does not say affectionate things, he is all business and expresses his love by providing. I decided upon finishing my senior 6 examinations that I was going to tell him I loved him. My brother had one of those cartoon eyes popping out of their sockets things
 |
| But but, why do you want the universe to implode, Joel?Why |
2. I told my girlfriend at the time that i loved her as we walked down to her campus hostel one lovely evening. She smiled nervously gave me a hug and said she had to go upstarts to meet with her discussion group and she had to meet sort out her room. My lips were as dry as the Kalahari desert for about a month . She eventually said it though and it was like the joy Kim Kardashian must feel when someone snaps her picture.
3. I have been told by a few people that they love me, and they were serious or about as serious as you take someone who has a huge crush on you. I couldn't say it back and it's in those times I wished I had clones that would just say I love you back and they'd go on to live happily ever after. There's no feeling like letting someone down, you feel like you just kicked a box full of one legged blind puppies.
All in all I regret none of these. The unrequited love, the turning down of those that expressed love..all in all, it's taught me it's best to be honest and just say it when you feel it needs to be said and stop over thinking it.In improv classes, they have a saying, "Always says yes."Because yes opens doors to opportunities and new relationships and adventure..They also say , "Say yes..and" , meaning don't just accept but create something new out of it. So I say if you find yourself needing to say it to someone, say it..whether they'll return the feeling or not..because of the 3 magic words, it's usually the one that leads you into the most magical places.
All in all I regret none of these. The unrequited love, the turning down of those that expressed love..all in all, it's taught me it's best to be honest and just say it when you feel it needs to be said and stop over thinking it.In improv classes, they have a saying, "Always says yes."Because yes opens doors to opportunities and new relationships and adventure..They also say , "Say yes..and" , meaning don't just accept but create something new out of it. So I say if you find yourself needing to say it to someone, say it..whether they'll return the feeling or not..because of the 3 magic words, it's usually the one that leads you into the most magical places.
Comments