Musings of a Timid observer

I am a curious man. always have been. I want to know everything, even the disgusting, revolting details of what lurks in the dirtiest place of all-the mind.That being said, I just scribbled these musings down and wonder if you'd be so kind as to answer them..Many thanks in advance and also if you do, a unicorn will dance on your salary causing it to triple and women will find you irresistible. 1. What do you miss most about being saved?If you've never been, what do you have envy for in the idea? 2. Does it matter to you to be seen as happier, or more stable now that you've de-converted or is it not all that important? 3.Do you think that there are people who are still saved simply because they would feel such blow back from their friends and family?Is that what kept you from coming out of the closet so to speak? 4. Do you feel alone-is that old adage about atheists/unbelievers being a herd of cats true? 5. What do you still retain from your christian faith, or u...

They say satisfaction is the death of passion. They say a lot of things I don't particularly  agree with but this one does ring true for me. I especially remember this one girl I really liked that I just couldn't seem to make any head way with. She was the kind of girl you would read about in a novel or something  Legs for days, big brown eyes and she didn't walk so much as glide across the ground, effortlessly like some sort of divine being. She was hot and so out of my league. Like any young lad hopped up on that dangerous cocktail of drugs nature cooks up at the cusp of  our pre-pubescence would do, I made my advances. At first with subtlety. Well I say subtlety, but how subtle can a 1 year old teenage boy be about his intentions with a young lady. Still, I did the whole hide roses in her desk so she could be surprised, or engineer it such that when she was on her way to class, I would be standing in the door way doing my best impression of a...

HER. "You always seem to have it together. Of you're always just there being cool all the time" ME. Yeah. I'm just cool man. I don't even have to try HER. "You just don't have a bambi face. I've never been like Bambi Joe.." ME. You never bambi me?But I have my problems too. I also want some bambis HER. "Gwe stop fishing for things. Me, I've told you yo just always happy and jovy (sic) " ME. You mean jovial?;-) "Expletive -son of an -expletive..You thin k I don't know words?Ela that's why I never bambi you. Always just there being funny and easy easy" Believe it or not that discussion went on for a few minutes in which the words bambi , and Ela were used more times than is healthy, not to mention the several expletives that were thrown around. But that's neither here nor there, what I have been mulling over is the deeper meaning in this. "I don't have a bambi face". I have heard the phrase a face o...

I love awkward situations. they remind me that our very existence is ridiculous on this floating blue ball in space. That for all the suave airs and sophistication  we wear like robes about ourselves, our body makes farts and sweats and sometimes we make fools of ourselves when we can least afford to do so. This is humanity. falling flat on your face while trying to show your best possible face. But my musings this day bring me to that rare creature which is an awkwardness between friends. The type that creeps in slowly over time as you realize that the person that stands before you now is no longer the guy with whom you once tried to fill condoms with water till they burst in the school lavatory. That they have changed or worse yet that they haven't changed and you are the one who is now all grown up. Sometimes it happens suddenly with a mistimed joke that was a little too macabre or an honest opinion that cuts deep and said wound is now  sign of the ...

Fair warning - this is a rather dry piece with a few arguments broken down and distilled. It's to be read in context of the series as I build a description of the "deconversion of anthony" series. May require readiness to slap yourself so you don't doze off now and then. Or maybe you will find some interestign tid bits. also if you read all through, a magic stalk will deliver a beautiful case of money at your door step!!I swear, I swear, I swear There are times in a man's life when all he believes is shaken. When what  once was sacrosanct is stripped bare and examined again. In the examination, the mind is pulled about and the body aches almost as if in a wrestling match. And of course there is not bigger opponent, no more worthy a foe than the faith you've had from days of yore(My apologies, I'm feeling quite old timey) In any event, it's months down the road and now I'm knee deep in the arguments for and against the existence of a dei...

I've lost my soft landing. The one person that was my relief between the rock and the hard place that was my very rigid father and my grandmother who raised me. I got to know her later in life, and we are very different people-She was very kind, very smart in networking and re-conciliatory  I'm more combative, reserved and everyone that works with me knows I am a tough man. But she was my defender from the criticisms I got, she stood up for me. Now she is gone, but she helped make me strong. I will stand on my own fortitude now. That's why we celebrate her-she left us all better"(paraphrased) At this point I felt a warmth begin to cover my face. A dampness I hadn't felt in awhile. Was I freaking crying?Impossible. I can count on one hand the number of times a tear hath left my face in moment of sadness, joy or injury. I'm a tough man like my father before me. I pull a very subtle move of rubbing my nose and wipe away any traces of water upon my cheeks and hope ...

My parents are orphans now. It's weird knowing you don't have grandparents anymore. Like a link to a life before you existed ha been erased. The reminder that your folks once didn't have it altogether and that they smoked and played around and were not always the first in class, as they like to proclaim is gone. It's a real bummer. Freakin Mondays!! Monday mornings are universally loathed. It’s ubiquitous and well documented. Even when you wake up feeling good, just knowing that it’s Monday, you almost feel obliged to feel bad even if  you've  got nothing to feel bad about. Well, I woke up feeling kind of shitty but just because I’m currently anxious about a conversation I need to have. I got up and started to haggle with myself to hit the P90X and on the way there, I meet my cousin in the hall way and he promptly delivers the news. “Kaka is dead. She passed away at about 3.  am  this morning. Dad is in Fort Portal now. “ I looked within myself to feel somethi...

The media council of Uganda recently put a stop to a play going on at the National Theater called State Of The Nation . I haven't had a chance to see it myself but I can take a shot in the dark about what it could be about given it's subtle title. The news apparently is that the scripts had been reviewed by the council and they found some thing wrong and hence decided to put a halt to it. Now there are many things wrong with this picture but first of all for me is that fact that a play wright has to submit his work to some sort of council to read through before their work can be presented to the masses. Since when is art the purview of the civil service?What's next, will chameleon have to submit the lyrics of his latest song to said council before we are allowed to shake out behinds to it?Will the next episode of the hostel require for it's set to not have any blue material lest it be deemed support for the opposition?How are we not weeping yet? P...