The De-conversion Of Anthony : Part 1

 In a six part series, I hope to share in a nutshell the de conversion of a young man and hopefully it will serve a two fold purpose of sharing the struggles and the joys of being who you are and sharing your thoughts with no shame and also to give any who may have queries or questions some much needed reason to ask even more questions ;-)

In my A level, I finally made the decision to make Jesus Christ Lord of my life. I had done it once before when I'd joined Kings College Budo in senior one-However , that was because I wanted to have super powers like the Bible promised. The power to heal the sick, drink poison and not be hurt. suffice to say, I joined for all the wrong reasons. I guess it's because I'd grown up not really going to church with my only experience of literal bible reading being my maternal grandmother's emphasis on reading it to us before bed.

But come A level, I had decided to take Psalm 34.8 to task and "taste and see that the Lord is good". It was the culmination of a few years of pressures and problems at home and at school which when you're 18, can feel like the end of the world. So I knelt down in my room, no priests , or pastors praying over me and I just said, "Lord I give you my life. I'm tasting to see if you are what they say you are. ". And a 7 year journey begun that totally changed my life.

As a christian I experienced a lot of change in my social circles. I had a camaraderie that you can only have when you believe that you are the chosen of God and that you are the apple of the supreme  being's eye. the fellowship of the brethren, knowing that you're of one mind. I took the full plunge in my vacation and went to ASCK which I wrote of so fondly in a previous blog post.

It's as part of this that I made my transition from boyhood to man-child-hood!!It's as a Christian that I had a serious relationship. (I freaking took her flowers on a boda boda in broad daylight. Love is insanity with good PR. )It's as a Christian that I started to make strong friendships and relationships with the people around me. I joined a band and became a leader at church. I was happy and content and certain of the path I was on.

That's the biggest thing definitely, purpose. The feeling that you not only have something you're doing with your life, but it's a matter of cosmic importance. That every action you perform can lead someone to the cross and thus their life has been won over to the side of light and not darkness. I was marveled by the poetry of it all, by the wonder of knowing that you could have a relationship with a being beyond comprehension. As I grew in the Word, I found that the word took shape in me, that the fruit of the spirit-love, joy, peace, patience , kindness goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

Every trial had "a word" for it. Are you sick?He bore the infirmity of us all. Are you besieged by trouble?-The battle is the Lord's . Has your neighbors wife grabbed your crotch-Deuteronomy 25.11 has a remedy for you. go ahead. Look it up. And does size matter?-Ezekiel 23-19-20. The word of God!!

I was pretty liberal and tried to cushion my beliefs in reason and logic. I had cognitive dissonance over issues of contradiction in the bible, swept under the rug any complaints about things like the flood being impossible, and any queries I had about how cruelly the God of the Old Testament treated so many people, I just put in a folder marked, "Questions for heaven".

But then I always had questions I just couldn't file away. Things I wondered like how could only the saved be the ones be the ones going to heaven, only the Christians when not even half the world population is Christian?I didn't like the idea that people would be punished for simple unbelief and not on the way they lived with others. How could the story of Adam and Eve be literal if we clearly can see that evolution is fact?How is it that the way and the life is being missed by the vast majority of life, and what if we're just mistaken?

When questions like these begun to be more than fodder for philosophical discussions with friends who had already, like me, decided that the Bible is true and that we just had to find a way to square the circle of any evidence towards the contrary. When you find you already have the conclusion, you're not seeking truth anymore, you're seeking validation.

I'm away from home in a foreign land with all manner of people around me whom I'd never interacted with before, from gay mechanics to atheist Jews. (These two got along swimmingly BTW). And for the first time, I think, I can no longer go with the assumptions I had..I had to make a case for why i believed like I never had to ever before..And that's where it gets interesting...



Read other pieces on the Deconversion of Anthony : |Part 2|Part 3|Part 4|Part 5