7 topics over 7 days: Sex
7 topics over the next 7 days.
I'm sharing my thoughts on 7 topics this week stemming from a conversation with some friends who say I'm too obtuse. So, I'll write a little something of my thoughts on these topics:
Government, Gender, Religion, Race, Marriage, Sex, and Culture
If you want to do the same... Just reply to this status update or share it with your answers and then tag a few people whom you'd want to see it and hopefully share their thoughts
Day 6: SEX
“Guys are studs when they bang loads of chics,: He said in response to her calling him a ho. “… because it’s difficult to do. Do you know the shit I had to do to get some? I have to be fucking cool”
“Women don’t find it any easier. “
“Pleasssssee…Go to the bar right now and offer those guys sex and let me go try with those women over there and we see what happens”
“Women don’t find it any easier. “
“Pleasssssee…Go to the bar right now and offer those guys sex and let me go try with those women over there and we see what happens”
This is a small bit of a debate that happened in university a little over a decade. All the guys ones nodded along to this sage observation like the silly youths we were. We (4 guys) had all felt the sting of rejection many times and just felt it must be easier for women. Never mind that the 3 girls there went on to say that was a silly reason for men who sleep around to get off scot free while girls get called all manner of names. Invariably, as these talks go, we ended up discussing whether guys and girls cheating was the same thing-the guys said men cheat because they usually want just sex, while women are doing it because they love the other person. We all agreed on this point(because we were young and thought in generalizations and thought we were wise) but the conclusion were men were cheating for stupid reasons -just sex they said. Just that!!! We kept quiet. Despite our limited views, we knew one thing at least…It’s never just sex!
Sometimes, just chill.
It’s a common trope that people with a strict religious upbringing being kinky and guilty about it. They’re repressing themselves. How can they abstain? Clearly all the latest allegations throw more flame to the fire that it is unnatural to not give in to our desires and passions. What’s healthy is now giving full reign over to these desires. Free from any form of guilt or repression. This on the whole is a great advancement. Contraception and family control methods mean that the sting of some of the outcomes of sexual congress are manageable. We’re free to explore for the most part. But in this freedom, we can often lose ourselves in the feeling. There’s a reason people say beware “Sex, drugs and alcohol” …Because they all feel really, really good, but they also can become tools for neglecting our own health . After all, there is too much of a good thing.
Now I’m not going to say “Hey you can only sleep with 25 people max and anything beyond that is blah blah “...No far from it. You can decide what kind of consensual lifestyle you want to have with other adults. I’m just saying that along with this freedom to act, there might be some benefit in stopping and thinking about why. Are you doing it for validation? For some controlled form of intimacy? To banish shitty feelings? One of few reasons I’m glad I was born again for a while is it taught me that through resistance to “temptation” you can also learn a lot about your triggers. It’s a form of therapy, a form of self-denial that helps you check your motives and helps you to not use other people as a mere means to you feeling better. You are hugging yourself with their bodies and not fully seeing their needs as well. Taking some time off now and then is of good value. Like a fast is good for your diet. Keeps you balanced.
How are you broken?
I wish we asked this question more. I wish we could be a little more vulnerable but the silly machismo that so many men labor under prevents us from fully becoming comfortable enough to express ourselves in many arenas including sex. Yes, you can break the back board and do all kinds of freaky stuff in the bedroom, but this can also just eb a way to feed your ego and not connect with your partner. Now to be fair, y’all might just be fucking and that’s what it is in which case. Awesome. But I think after a while… you might want to do some stuff you’re afraid your partner will judge you for. When sharing the bed with someone, I think you can have fun, but you can also go deep (Phrasing Joel, Phrasing) and get to know them. What things turn them on that they’ve never tried to do and why. Us guys especially think we must be real porn ninjas and slayers…When, you might just want a quick one and to go watch the game. Or you might want her to take the lead but you’re afraid to seem needy by asking.
Being open and vulnerable and unashamed of how you feel can result in some of the best sex you can have. But I think you must first know why you’re having sex and second be willing to share the ways in which you’re “not normal “or “broken”. If they laugh, they laugh. Rejection by people who’d never accept the real you is a gift. So always speak up
The Power
The darker sides of sex are not in the faux moral worries of the government and the church about moral decay due to people having sex, watching pornography and the like. But I think more with the propensity for people to use it as a way of exerting power and dominance. The same unhealthy compulsion to use sex to feel better about ourselves can really turn dark in us oddly using sex as a weapon to shame others. When people debate the silly notion that women and men who are raped were acting sexually inappropriate and thus roused feelings within their tormentor is to think that what that person wants is sex. It’s not about sex. It’s a disgusting broken thing within people who feel entitled to use others. I take extra notice now to hear how my friends speak about sex. I’m trying to speak about it more than in just brash, jokey ways. I think as light is shone especially on the sexual lives and hang ups of men, the culture might be able to change towards a more enlightened one that leave old repressing views alive and powerful. I talk to the women I know to understand their experiences and learn. We talk about sex but focus a lot on the mechanics and pleasure. What about the shitty, scary, bits? This year I’ve fasted, I’ve examined my motives and admitted to some oddities and I’ve never been happier with the way things are going. I’ve also seen the ways in which my desire might have resulted in me treating people as a means to an end and I have a duty to do better. To be more open and more circumspect…So far it’s great cause I’m treating it with the appropriate respect. Cause…
I wish we asked this question more. I wish we could be a little more vulnerable but the silly machismo that so many men labor under prevents us from fully becoming comfortable enough to express ourselves in many arenas including sex. Yes, you can break the back board and do all kinds of freaky stuff in the bedroom, but this can also just eb a way to feed your ego and not connect with your partner. Now to be fair, y’all might just be fucking and that’s what it is in which case. Awesome. But I think after a while… you might want to do some stuff you’re afraid your partner will judge you for. When sharing the bed with someone, I think you can have fun, but you can also go deep (Phrasing Joel, Phrasing) and get to know them. What things turn them on that they’ve never tried to do and why. Us guys especially think we must be real porn ninjas and slayers…When, you might just want a quick one and to go watch the game. Or you might want her to take the lead but you’re afraid to seem needy by asking.
Being open and vulnerable and unashamed of how you feel can result in some of the best sex you can have. But I think you must first know why you’re having sex and second be willing to share the ways in which you’re “not normal “or “broken”. If they laugh, they laugh. Rejection by people who’d never accept the real you is a gift. So always speak up
The Power
The darker sides of sex are not in the faux moral worries of the government and the church about moral decay due to people having sex, watching pornography and the like. But I think more with the propensity for people to use it as a way of exerting power and dominance. The same unhealthy compulsion to use sex to feel better about ourselves can really turn dark in us oddly using sex as a weapon to shame others. When people debate the silly notion that women and men who are raped were acting sexually inappropriate and thus roused feelings within their tormentor is to think that what that person wants is sex. It’s not about sex. It’s a disgusting broken thing within people who feel entitled to use others. I take extra notice now to hear how my friends speak about sex. I’m trying to speak about it more than in just brash, jokey ways. I think as light is shone especially on the sexual lives and hang ups of men, the culture might be able to change towards a more enlightened one that leave old repressing views alive and powerful. I talk to the women I know to understand their experiences and learn. We talk about sex but focus a lot on the mechanics and pleasure. What about the shitty, scary, bits? This year I’ve fasted, I’ve examined my motives and admitted to some oddities and I’ve never been happier with the way things are going. I’ve also seen the ways in which my desire might have resulted in me treating people as a means to an end and I have a duty to do better. To be more open and more circumspect…So far it’s great cause I’m treating it with the appropriate respect. Cause…
It’s never” just sex “…Unless of course , when it is. hehe
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