The Things I Fear

The things I fear

I fear that I will one day lose a bit of my mind, that the one place I thought I could be safe and be myself will betray me

I fear that I am my parents son..That their stubbornness , the depression is hard coded in me. I feel it sometimes when I feel like just getting away from everyone.

I fear that I won’t be able to be truly intimate with anyone-because I just don’t trust it. I had to be strong and independent to make it out, the very things that have kept me a float may stop me from ever being able to let myself go


I fear that I am too ready to accept the bad. That I don’t trust compliments or good times. I always wait for the painful comfort of loss or tension. I’m built to deal with it.

I fear that I may always be careful…Always thinking things ahead..That the child I was –precocious, curious and adventurous is somewhere in me gasping for air. Hoping his older self will take more risks



I fear that I had faith simply because it allowed the lack of answers to be replaced with the word GOD..but now I must find the answers out for myself


I fear I might fail to find them

I am afraid that I am all I really have.


Comments

Roland Byagaba said…
You sir might not have a bambi face, but this sure is a deep bambi post.
31 March 2016 at 03:16
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Every Refuge has its price: My visit to the Prophet Mbonye- led Fellowship of Remnants

Image
I'm not really the kind of guy that's spontaneous. Many a companion has tried to get me to do things spur of the moment and had their enthusiasm slowly drained as I whipped out my calendar to see if I could spare the time for their aside. Want to go to the bar? -Better give me a day's notice. Want to have lunch today?Better shoot me a text before 8am. Want to come over to my place? Send an owl with a handwritten letter in triplicate at least 4 business days ahead! I'm just the type of person who generally knows what I'll be doing days in advance. It was therefore rather out of the ordinary for me to suddenly think one Monday afternoon - "Hey why don't I just go see what is going on at the Mbonye thing ? " I texted my friend and asked her if she'd want to go with me but true to adult life-arranging a time that worked for us both was a little difficult. But this played right into my wheelhouse. We finally set a date and I was excited. In
Read more

The Disasterous Liberating Encounters of Love

Image
This is a brief story of a boy and his encounters with love  All quotes used are by Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Zizek Love as an event    "Love is a disturbance of the existing order, the intrusion of the impossible into the possible, the subversion of the symbolic order. It disturbs the reality we take for granted, and reveals that reality is not all there is, that there is always something more." Isn't it true that many of us fall in love and it is a complete disaster? You are moving along enjoying your life, hanging out with friends, playing sports, reading questionable books, and wondering where exactly your life is going but you are too busy enjoying the ride to ruin it with questions.  For the boy, it was in the way he was coming into his own, from nerdy to well still nerdy but able to fool most of the people some of the time that he had some cool aspects!! Women were starting to pay attention to this lad who'd just survived puberty but retained the earnestness
Read more

Dont Act. Just Think : A short lesson from 2023

Image
Friends, as the embers of another year flicker low, I feel a chill wind whispering through the cracks in the edifice we call progress. It's not the usual New Year's shivers, the anxieties about resolutions, the hollow clink of glasses filled with liquid courage. It is a deeper tremor, a confession from the soul. that's been ill at ease for a while. This year served up losses. From loved ones gone too soon, to opportunities dashed through no fault of my own, to the inescapable loss of contentment at living in step with the just the way life is. Never more has the phrase " personal is political " resonated so much. Never have I seen change, innovation, and hoe mounted everywhere but in the realm of communal decision making how we decide the relations of life between us. For years, I, too, sang the siren song of self-reliance, the gospel of "hard work saves us.". That's a bit f luck and surely we can all make it.I was intimately aware of the challen
Read more