When things get awkward

I love awkward situations. they remind me that our very existence is ridiculous on this floating blue ball in space. That for all the suave airs and sophistication  we wear like robes about ourselves, our body makes farts and sweats and sometimes we make fools of ourselves when we can least afford to do so. This is humanity. falling flat on your face while trying to show your best possible face.

But my musings this day bring me to that rare creature which is an awkwardness between friends. The type that creeps in slowly over time as you realize that the person that stands before you now is no longer the guy with whom you once tried to fill condoms with water till they burst in the school lavatory. That they have changed or worse yet that they haven't changed and you are the one who is now all grown up.

Sometimes it happens suddenly with a mistimed joke that was a little too macabre or an honest opinion that cuts deep and said wound is now  sign of the friendship that once flowed freely.

Or sometimes, and for people with friends of the opposite sex will attest to this, it's just that you inherently see things differently and didn't  know that till you reached a fork int eh road topic.Or maybe one of you thinks the other could be more than a friend, all the while She (it's usually the females that re oblivious to the fact that men want to date any woman that will hug them and doesn't have missing teeth) thinks of you as but an uncle!!Uncle zone yaya!!

It's at these points that you learn about the quality of the friendship. How deep it goes. how much the laughter that was shared over drinks , over the schadenfreude of watching others fail as we console ourselves that we are better than those idiots on American Idol; that the good times when it's easy to be friends is indicative of the legitimacy of the friendship. You hope that these people will be with you when tragedy strikes, when you need help..and usually they are.

The sublime and the sucky in our lives seem to draw people to us. We know that we have to cry with the people who we call mates, we know that when Friday comes around, we can hit em and ask where the party at.But it's in the  therebetween  the moments that are not life threatening or involving death or anything sinister that you find out just how good the friendship is. Ironically the good time sand bad times are not a good indicator of that for the most part, it's the mundane, the irritating, the silly, the confusing times that peel away the vale of politeness and things get real.

It's happened to me as my faith changed and those that were my true friends knew that deep down I was still the same person they loved while others just melted into the background of the picture of my life. It's not easy to be in dialogue with someone you disagree with vehemently on ideology  on the way the world works , on the value of science versus scripture, on whether god cares what kind of sex you have, on whether it's appropriate to hug another  man for more than 5 seconds(Pause while I shiver). It's not easy but for those that have stayed in dialogue,who know that ultimately we care for each other's well being and have the best intentions, I cannot be more thankful.

For those for whom time has washed away the etchings in the sand that we thought would be permanent, I am tempted to be sad but I know that time and seasons happen and there are people who we just have for a time but never know till the time is done. That doesn't mean that the time wasn't important, just that things have changed.We both know and realize this is so.  It's why I loathe the "Nga you threw me out" statement. Phones work both ways you know.

I suppose that sometimes you move on or have a new relationship in your life that is taking up a tad more of what you have to give and this sadly means less time but not less care for the first relationship. Maybe this is just me, but the fascination of a new friend, of a new person with new stories and new ways of seeing life sometimes detracts from the the tried and true relationships in my life. I try not to take them for granted but I suppose I do send that message because the intensity with which our friendship first started goes down, from a wild forest fire to a burning ember that just continues on into the night. I need to blow on these embers now and again.

Then there's the very possibly painful moment when you either end up liking a friend in more than just a friendly way, or they end up noticing just how magnificently you wear your mustache and your irresistible charm, or how big your cornea is(I have large corneas. Just putting it out there ladies) and let you know it. I've been in both scenarios and written about it before. All i can now is that this is never easy. I've royally messed up in these situations and in others, totally handled it with grace, and vice versa when I was the one being the 'spoiler of the friendship we have".

In any event, I just have to think in an effort sometimes not to be awkward, things become awkward. In just sweeping things under the rug, now we have to ignore that huge hill in the room being hidden under a carpet of shallow talk designed to avoid the issue. And i get it, it's natural. But for the friendship to go on, I think you have to face it, to talk about it, to be honest and not try to sugar coat things and give hope when in fact it is of the false variety. To talk about it not just once, but twice, maybe three times,(but that's it dammit. Too much jazz just makes you suckers for punishment). If they mean something to you, you will talk to them and make a way through this awkward phase and not just skirt the issue. I have learnt this the hard way but I guess sometimes that's the best way to learn anything.

For those that stuck with me while I was insensitive to their feelings and valued my comfort over having the courage to acknowledge that you had put yourself out their and been forthcoming, I am both sorry and grateful for your patience.

The list could go on but ultimately the thing is when things get awkward, i think what is happening is we are not prepared to have a pre-packaged response and have to be real, have to face what is before us and it's then that we test the metal of friendship  Iron sharpens iron, but not if it never clashes or comes into contact. So to the awkward moments ahead, bring it on..I'm more than ready.